Lessons My Dad’s Cancer Taught Me

I’m sure you will agree with me when I say that cancer is awful. But let me share with you the lessons my dad’s cancer diagnosis taught me. This is probably one of the hardest blog posts I have ever written. It’s been in draft mode for at least a year. Honestly, I had to sit and reconcile my feelings from this period in my life before I could sit and pen the lessons for you. But before I get to the lessons, I need to give you a little backstory.

Backstory:

During the fall of 2013, my dad developed many gastrointestinal issues. The symptoms ranged from nausea, dark stool & severe abdominal pain, I mean real deal pain. Listen, my dad is of a certain generation of men, you know the ones who always display strength, and who never admit to being human or showing any pain or fear. Yeah, so for him to be in such visible pain, there was something wrong.

After dealing with this pain for as long as he humanly could and with much insistence from my mom, my dad finally let my mom take him to the ER to be seen. My mom informed my sister and I that she was in the ER with my dad and he has been admitted into the hospital.

Diagnosis:

After an initial incorrect diagnosis from the ER, we finally learned that it was, in fact, a malignant Gastrointestinal stromal tumor (also known as GIST) causing him such pain. Y’all, it was Cancer. Even now it takes a few seconds for the full meaning of the word “cancer” — and everything that the term brought brings — to fully register for me.

To be fair to the ER staff, gastrointestinal stromal tumors (GISTs) are a rare type of cancer that begins in the gastrointestinal (GI) tract. In the early stages, the tumors usually don’t cause many symptoms. However, when symptoms do appear, they can be mistaken for other gastrointestinal diseases and conditions. Because GIST is a rare condition, these other conditions have to be ruled out before more specific testing leads to a GIST diagnosis.

But here we were. My dad had a GIST, and it wasn’t a small one. This tumor was an enormous, mean mass that had managed to envelop a large part of his stomach and intestines. Ugh! My heart stayed in my stomach for a while after learning this. After consultations with the surgical oncologist, the medical oncologist, the gastroenterologist and the radiation oncologist (talk about doctor overload), They determined that my dad would undergo an extensive and complicated surgery to remove the tumor. In removing the tumor, they would also need to remove 80% of my dad’s stomach and most of his small intestines. Make no mistake about it; this was a terrifying time for my family and me. I can’t sit in those emotions too long. So let’s talk about the lessons cancer taught me

Lessons My Dad’s Cancer Taught Me:

Lesson #1: Be Vigilant: 

Y’all I can’t say this enough. If you notice a change in your health, please don’t ignore it. Even if your doctors won’t take it seriously, make them. Looking back, my dad had symptoms for months leading up to his cancer diagnosis. He ignored them. Don’t do that. We didn’t notice the change in his appetite and weight changes. They are usually red flags. We were all a little naïve back then. Pay attention and make your doctors pay attention.

Lesson #2: Be Active/Assertive 

When someone you love is sick, please take an active and assertive role in their care. I was once told that if you’re lucky, at some point in your life, the parental roles get reversed and the children begin to care for their parents as their parents once did for them. That shift started a bit quicker for me with my dad’s illness. My parents had always advocated for me when I was a child. Now that the roles are reversed, I make it a point to do that same for them. If you are not happy with the level of care your loved ones getting, speak up. Make sure the hospital staff is meeting all their needs. Please, ask questions. While I was in the room, I never let a doctor, nurse or technician do anything to my dad without them first explaining it to me. And I don’t speak medical jargon, so I always requested the explanation in understandable terms. Yes, it slowed them down a bit and yes, it may have even annoyed them, but it was my job to advocate for my dad to ensure that he got the best care.

Lesson #3: Be Prayerful

One of the essential lessons cancer taught me was how to pray God’s will. This was a hard one for me. As a Christian, I have always had strong faith in God. To be honest, I sort of used prayer as a wishlist. I had to stop using prayer as a wishlist and stop making God out to be a genie in a bottle and truly learning how to pray the will of God, for the glory of God despite my feelings. My feelings said “God you must make my day healthy again now”, but my prayers had to be “Lord, your will be done. In this season of uncertainty and fear, we are confident in your promises to us.”

Lesson #4: Be Happy

Don’t put off doing things that make you happy. It’s strange but in some way facing my dad’s mortality, was like a mirror being held up for me and it made me face my one life & mortality. In genuinely accepting the fact that death is something that is promised to every single one of us, it sparked a desire to live my life and do the things that make me happy. There were many life changes that I made, big and small. One big one was Hubby, and I decided to relocate from New Jersey to Florida. And guess who decided to come along for the 1100 mile ride to help out with the move? My dad! Just a few months into remission and still on chemo meds, super thin and somewhat frail from having 80% of his stomach removed, my awesome dad jumped at the chance to tag team the drive south with me and my three little ones, while my husband drove the truck down.

Lesson #5: Be Grateful

While my dad was sick, even though he never mentioned dying, I could tell it was on his mind. He would talk to me about the things on his mind. So I took the time to ask him some thought-provoking questions. Like “How do you see life knowing you have more yesterdays then tomorrow?” and “Do you wish you could have done anything different in your life?” I won’t share all of his exact answers but it was all summarized as being grateful for what you have and appreciating & loving people around you.

Here we are, six years later after his initial diagnosis, my dad is still in remission and celebrated his 70th birhday a few days ago. He has beaten the odds with a cancer that has an approximately 50-60% 5 year survival rate after removal.

I’m so proud of this man and all that he and the lessons his cancer taught me — life lessons of love, strength, gratitude, and humility. Have any big moments in your life taught you life lessons?