Tips for Planning a Couple’s Getaway

Like most people, I knew parenting was going to have sacrifices. I was prepared to give up all kinds of things in the name of being a good parent, but there are some things that as a couple we don’t sacrifice. We know that our connection and bond is the foundation for our family so we do all we can to keep our relationship strong. This includes planning a couple’s getaway.

Let’s be honest, to keeping. marriage stong doesn’t just happen, especially when small children are involved. It requires work. Relationships don’t cultivate themselves and they will certainly wither and die if we don’t purposefully plan to build that relationship. For us, one of the best ways to nurture our marriage is to travel together. There is a magic that happens when we set aside a few days to just be away from everything else and conncet with on another.

In full transparency, there is more to this. Like most couples with children, we can’t just pack our bags and hope for the best. Ha! I wish, but just like everything else in world of marriage and parenting, it takes some pre-planning with careful attention to the details to make the trip really work.

Five Tips for Planning a Couple’s Getaway

Don’t feel like you have to go too far.  Let me explain. Like myself. I’m sure you have had a task or a project that you put off because it seemed too daunting to face? Yes, right? Well, don’t make your trip like that task. At times we build things up so massively in our minds like a ‘big important trip’ that we feel like it can’t be done. The ‘big important trip’ doesn’t have to be grand to make it memorable. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to forget about on the dream of a 10 day getaway in France or your ideal island vacation. But for the moment, focus on planning a trip that is doable for your current life situation. Maybe 3-4 days is all you can spare right now. Take what you can get.

But, you do have to go somewhere. Yes, I know a staycation is the “it” thing for budget getaways these days. Don’t fall for it. Staycations are partially to blame for the decline in couples getting into a true getaway. We’ve done the weekend at a hotel thing, or the quick roadtrip to a nearby town, and those are not nearly as satisfying or unifying as a genuine getaway.  A weekend staycation trip can quickly find its way into the “have to” column of the things to do in a very busy life and not get the special treatment it deserves. To really get a couples getaway that does the job of reconnecting, you have to have some skin in the game. It has to be important. There has to be some anticiation. It has to be something that you have made an investment in financially and otherwise to make an impact. You just have to plan to go somewhere out of the norm so that it will register on the ‘things that matter’ meter.

Plan for purposeful downtime and busy time. I know that when you dream of a vacation away from the kids, sleeping is a huge item on the wish list. Pretty much since the first child was born parents have been desperate for more sleep. A little relaxing is a must for your couples-only trip, but relaxing can quickly turn into the two of you sleeping your time to connect away. To make a getaway special, make a plan to spend your days in purposeful activity. Have a reason to get out of bed and go enjoy the location-and each other. And then plan for some time each day where you can enjoy conversation over a slow meal or a leisurely walk. Both kinds of activities will make for a memorable trip. While you are at it make sure that each partner gets and takes the chance to plan the way the time will be spent. Planning for the day gives each person an investment in the trip and opens up opportunities to surprise each other with a special meal or excursion.

Plan to do something out of your normal. The phrase “in a rut” was probably created to describe busy couples and parents. There is so much that has to be done each day that a routine is born out of sheer survival. That’s partly why marriage can get so monotonous. You are doing the same things the same way day after day. It’s so hard to make a connection in the midst of the mundane. Going somewhere new does part of the job of setting the stage to do something different, but you also have to choose to spend your time together in a way that is special. Reading the paper each morning overlooking the beach isn’t that much different than reading the paper each morning overlooking your living room. Dare to be different-at least for a few days.

Plan to do something out of your comfort zone. When you do something that challenges you, it changes the way you interact with the people who share that experience with you. That’s why team building exercises often include a physical or mental challenge. There is something bonding about doing something that scares you a just a little, or challenges you in a way that you really have to work at it. If you are sharing that moment with your partner, not only are you making awesome memories (remember the time we flew in a helicopter and we were so nervous), but you are re-connecting in a deep way.

Lastly: Please don’t talk about the kids. Yes, I know they are an easy common topic but try not to do so. I’m serious, talk about anything, but the kids. Talk about the future, your dreams, your goals, even your fears. Talk about the things you will do when it’s just the two of you once again. Enjoy each other’s company. Be silly together. Laugh. A lot.  Hold hands. Sit close to each other. Take tons of pictures of both of you doing things together. Let the joy of that moment show through in your smiles. And when you are back at home, and the demand of reality forces you to spend more time than you’d like being more parents than partners, look at those pictures. ANd remind yourself that although you might not get to see it every day, that special spark that only lives between the two of you is still there.